


The Menagerie

by commanderwoobie



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, M/M, ace rimsy, because i adore rimsy as ace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-28 16:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commanderwoobie/pseuds/commanderwoobie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lister is taken and there's only one hero who can save him.</p><p>note:  rating and warnings for later chapters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK, MULTI CHAPTER FIC
> 
> also, I hope you like Nine. sure, its a plot device but i still want you to like it.

He wasn’t sure how it had happened. One moment, he was checking out some rather cool looking rocks, next…darkness. Lister eyes the GELF across the way from him, thankful for the two layers of glass between them. At least, he thought it was glass. It was clear like glass, but he hadn’t been able to break it. And damn had he tried.

Oh, yes. The GELF. It wasn’t one of the Kinitawowis, thank whatever god was watching over him. But it certainly wasn’t something he wanted to be alone with. It looked like a cross between a walrus and a giraffe. No thanks.

His cage, for that was what he was in, was bare except for a bed on the floor. He’d pulled the blanket over him, and sat huddled in the corner. There was a bowl of something resembling food in another corner beneath a hatch he’d been unable to open. Wouldn’t have mattered—his fat ass wouldn’t have fit anyway. There were prison style sindown on the side walls, one each, and Lister could have looked through them if he’d stood on his tiptoes. Living the high life, he was.

Lister didn’t know how much time has passed before a long-fingered hand wrapped around one of the bars in the left window. The skin was smooth and grey, with shimmering rainbows like the ones on an oil spill. A bald head soon followed, its face missing a mouth, but there was a human looking nose. The eyes were overly large and colored opal. It lacked pupils. The creature stared at him, and Lister stared right back.

“ _Lister…_ ” The voice was in his head, neither male nor female, echo-y and slow. “ _Human?_ ”

“Yeah,” Lister half grunted. “That’s me.” They continued to stare at each other before he added, “What’s yer name?”

“ _Name…is…Nine._ ”

“ Nine, eh? And what are ya? If ya don’t mind my askin’.”

The series of sounds he heard in his head didn’t seem to have corresponding letters. The creature must have picked up on his confusion because it said “ _Telepathic…. Mind translating…. Word for--_ ” that sound again “ _does not exist._ ”

“Oh. Um. Do ya know where we are?”

“ _Trapped…. They watch us…. Sometimes ask for…tricks._ ”

A ball of unease sat heavy in his stomach—or it could have been that last curry. And although he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know the answer, he asked the question anyway. “What kind of tricks?”

Nine turned its head to the side, rainbows dancing across its skin. Suddenly, images exploded in his mind—bright lights and shadowy figures. Phantom pains flared over his body. Then, just as suddenly, it stopped. Lister found himself huddled even further into the corner, clutching his head. He was panting, and his eyes flicked to Nine.

“We have to get out of here.”

Nine was silent for a long moment. “ _…no way out._ ”

xxxxx

A few days had passed and Lister tried eating the glop. Certainly tasted better than dog food.

“ _Lister?_ ” Nine’s voice echoed in his head.

“Yeah?” he responded around his finger before removing it from his mouth with a loud pop.

“ _The male…. Rimmer? He is…what to you?_ ”

“Heh. Thought ya were a telepath, Nine.”

“ _Yes, but…you have…mixed feelings. You hate him…yet…._ ”

Lister waited for it to continue, but when it didn’t he tried to explain. “Me and Rimmer, we…didn’t get on at first. He was the definition of annoyin’ and blamed everyone fer his own shortcomin’s. But spend enough time with a guy, and ya start seeing other sides. He was still an annoyin’ git, but he was my git.”

“ _Was?_

“Lister swallowed past the lump in his throat, setting the empty bowl down. “He left. I convinced him to go, but….”

“ _You miss him._ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Was there…another Rimmer? I see…other memories. He…more bars?_ ”

“Oh, yeah. Nanobots. They brought the ship and the crew back. He was a different Rmmer. Still a good guy. Just had to open him up again. He died a few months back. Holly offered to bring him back again, but I couldn’t go through losin’ him another time.”

“ _Then why make him leave?_ ”

“Because I knew he could be so much more. I knew the dimensions needed an Ace Rimmer.” _But I hadn’t known how badly I needed an Arnold Rimmer._

“ _I heard that, David,_ ” Nine responded with its tinkling laugh cascading through Lister’s mind.

xxxxx

“Arnold,” the _Wildfire_ ’s computer said after their jump completed. “We’re in your home dimension.”

“Really?” Rimmer asked, surprised. He was using his normal voice. He and the computer had reached an understanding. Rimmer was willing to play the part of the rest of existence, but he didn’t need the computer to act like a silly lovesick girl. She was smarter than that, and Rimmer had enough confidence in his masculinity. “Scans picking up anything?”

“ _Red Dwarf_ is about two hours away. Would you like to see them?”

Rimmer frowned, thinking. Did he want to see them? Well…he should thank Lister for the metaphorical kick in the ass to get him out the door.

Maybe they could…talk about…things. Important things.

“Yes, I would.”

“Setting course now.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wildfire's computer is based on Jessica Rabbit. I thought it appropriate.

Rimmer had kept the Ace persona until Kryten had informed him Lister had been kidnapped and they couldn’t find him. Which had, in fact, happened very quickly. Rimmer had opened up the comm. Channels and Kryten’s worried face filled the screen.

“Oh, Mister Ace, sir!” the machanoid had wailed. “Thank goodness you’re here!”

“What’s the issue, Kryters?” Rimmer had asked in his borrowed baritone. “Anything an old pilot like me can help with?”

“It’s Mister Lister, sir. He’s—he’s—oh, I can’t even say it!”

A sense of unease had filled him as Kryten’s voice reached even higher decibels. “What’s wrong with Davey-boy? Did he have a bad curry?”

“He’s _missing_ , sir! He’s been kidnapped!”

“ _What_?!”

Kryten had blinked, confused when the commander’s voice had screeched much like the late Arnold J Rimmer’s. “Sir?”

“Open up the landing bay, you oversized toilet brush, and when I get on board, tell me _exactly_ what the smeg is going on,” Rimmer had growled in his normal voice. When he’d docked, Rimmer had torn off his wig and flight jacket with enough force to bend the zipper teeth. _Perfect. Smegging perfect._ “Holly,” he’d barked after climbing out of his ship.

“’Ey, Arn, wot’s ‘appening?” It had just been his voice since there hadn’t been a screen handy. Not that it mattered much—Rimmer was hell bent on reaching the drive room in record time.

“Permission for the _Wildfire_ ’s computer to integrate with your systems?”

“Er, permission granted?”

“Thanks.”

Soon as he’d entered the drive room, the Cat had had a fit. Apparently, Commander Shiny Sexy Ass could in no way be Goalpost Head. Rimmer hadn’t been able to get any information out of either of them until he had told them about the switch over.

“…so now I’m Ace. Can we please get back to the matter at hand?” he asked when he finished his explanation.

The Cat sat sulking in his chair, arms crossed. “The monkey’s gone. That’s all we know.”

“Yes, but _what happened_?”

Kryten fidgeted, wiping nonexistent dust from the consoles. “Mister Lister went off by himself, sir. Scans hadn’t picked up any lifesigns large enough to be a serious threat. But a ship had taken off, and then we found Mister Lister was gone.”

“Can you tell me what the ship looked like?”

“Like a ship, Trans Am Wheel Arch Nostrils,” the Cat groused.

Rimmer growled, pointing t the feline. “I swear to your god, pussy, if you don’t quite this pity party of finding out your crush is actually me, I will drench your suit in rotten tomato pulp.”

The Cat’s expression blanked and he looked at Rimmer for a long time. Then he grinned, canines glinting in the artificial light. “Whatcha need, handsome?”

“Any information you have on the ship. Jessica?” he asked, gaze shifting up. “Are you in?”

“Yes, Arnold.” A female face popped up on Holly’s screen. Long, thick red hair fell to cover her left eye and dark purple eyeshadow brought out her green eyes. Well…eye, since the other was hidden. The Cat let out a whistle but he was ignored by bother Rimmer and the _Wildfire_ ’s computer. “Do you want me to compare the data with our own records?”

“If you would. Now,” he said, looking between the Cat and Kryten. “What can you tell me?”

xxxxx

Nine had been missing when Lister woke up so he had spent his time waiting sitting on the bed. He was studying his plaits, trying to figure out how long before they’d start getting frizzy. He’d taken good care of them over the years, so they’d last for a bit longer, but they’d definitely need a good oiling after he got out of this mess. Though he’d need to avoid chewing on the ends until he got back home. Which he hoped would be soon. Sure, Kryten and the Cat weren’t the most reliable in terms of a rescue mission, but _come on_.

The human waited, listening for any sound that would indicate Nine was back, but nothing came. No, what he did hear was a hiss accompanied by the scent of too sweet honey. When he woke again, he was lying on his back, ankles and wrists strapped down. He squinted against the glare of the bright lights and panic began to sink in.

Lister liked to think of himself as a brave man, but this…this was asking too much.

A shadow fell across his face, and he opened his eyes to see, but the back lighting hid the figure’s face. An uncomfortably hot hand was placed on his bare stomach. “ _Human,_ ” it said. While Nine’s voice had been neither male nor female, this one was both genders. However, it, too, came from inside his head.

“Please,” Lister said quietly. “Don’t do this.”

“ _Curious. The human wishes to beg for its life._ ” Suddenly, the heat intensified and Lister screamed as fire scorched his nerve endings. “ _How long do you think this one will last?_ ”

“ _Depends on how stubborn it is,_ ” another two toned voice answered.

“ _Shall we find out?_ ”

Lister screamed again as another wave of burning pain flooded his system.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took an unexpected turn...  
> one, it's shorter.  
> two, rimmer's a bit darker than i had intentionally planned
> 
> (i obviously need to write my Dark!Ace adventures)

The Cat and Kryten hadn’t been able to provide much info so to ct to the chase, Rimmer had asked Holly to give what he could and he and Jessica could search through all her data to find a match. The hologram paced the drive room as he waited for the results, ignoring Kryten who was cleaning for the umpteenth time. Cat had gone off for his nap.

He had saved plenty of Listers before. This was a typical day for him. Saving people. That’s what he did now. So why-- _why_ \--was he so smegging scared?

Because all those other Listers weren’t _his_ Lister.

Rimmer sighed, pushing his hands through his hair, further messing up his curls. Paranoia was begging to set in. What if he was Late? He’d been late to a rescue before. The girl had died and it had torn him apart. He still had nightmares about it. Could he handle it if Lister died? No. He’d met a Rimmer who had lost his Lister. At least _he_ was hard-light, unlike that poor sod who had to keep on existing since no one else was there to shut him off.

A short electrical pulse from his light bee brought him back to the present. He looked at Holly and Jessica, brows raised. “Yes?”

“Think we got it, Arn,” Holly drawled, smiling. “Jess says on of the other Aces had a run in with these blokes.”

“Right. The twenty-second Ace. It was a similar situation, but it had been Kochanski instead of Lister. Ace had been successful, but she and been severely damaged.”

Kryten made a whimpering noise but Rimmer ignored him. “Any date on who took her?” he asked.

The redheaded computer frowned, searching through her archives. “Ace said they called themselves Collectors.” She hesitated for a moment. “Ace stayed to help Kochanski, but she never fully recovered.”

Rimmer felt sick. “We need….” Smeg. He needed a plan. He couldn’t just go in guns blazing. He needed to find “in” first. _Then_ guns could blaze. “Can we track their ship? Like we did with the _Dwarf_?”

Holly gave a nod. “Already workin’ on it.”

“Good. So now we wait.” Rimmer heard a strange clicky noise and it took him a moment to realize it was coming from Kryten. “What?”

The noise stopped, replaced with a huff and the mechanoids movements became jerky. “I’m sorry, sir, but how dare you suggest we wait? Mister Lister could be suffering extreme pain! It could very well get worse! Wait! Indeed. And why are you even here? You _never_ care for Mister Lister.”

Rimmer had gone completely still, face expressionless as he watched the mechanoid rant. “Is that what you think?” he finally asked, voice dropping dangerously low. “Because let me tell you something, Kryten. I do care. More than you can ever know. And yes, we will wait. Why? Because we don’t know where Dave is. We can’t waste time by just leaving in some direction and hope we find him. We wait until we have all the information we need…and then we kill the ones who took him.”

Kryten was quite for a moment. “K-kill, sir? But I can’t. It’s against—“

“These people aren’t human.”

xxxxx

Lister hadn’t been this sore since…well, ever. A dull throb pulsed through him with every heartbeat and he avoided movement at all cost.

“Nine?” he called out, voice cracking.

“ _I am here_ ,” responded the tired voice in his head.

Lister waited a moment before dragging himself over to the wall and hauled himself up to the window. Nine was sitting on its own bed, back against the wall. This was the first time Lister had seen all of the creature. He had assumed all of it had looked human. Nope. Thing had the lower body of a raptor. Lister watched the tip of that long tapered tail thump against the bed.

“ _We were…symbi-morphs…once_ ,” it said in response to Lister’s unasked question. “ _But we were…too dangerous…. We left the State. Found out own…planet. Plenty to…hunt._ ”

“Can you change shape?”

There was a slight pressure in his head and suddenly Rimmer, as he had seen the hologram last, sat in Nine’s place. “ _I can change your perception_ ,” it explained, Rimmer’s voice layered over its own. “ _I have not changed shape. You…see something…different._ ”

Lister gave a nod, wincing slightly as it pulled on sore muscles. “Not that I’m complainin’, but why’d ya pick Rimmer?” Out of everyone I’ve know, ya pick him.”

“ _Rimmer is…what you want to…see. It’s how we’d…hunt. One way._ ”

“For food? Look like something it’d want? Kinda like a psiren.”

“ _Yes._ ”

“Not much to hunt in here, huh?”

“ _No._ ” The pressure eased and Lister saw Nine again. “ _You have an…idea?_ ”

He had the beginnings of a rough idea, at least. “Yeah. Can you change the surrounding of other things? Or is it just you?”

Nine was quiet for a moment. “ _I think I…understand your plan. Yes…but the animals they give me to…feed on…there isn’t enough._ ”

Lister gave another nod. “So we find ya more food. We’re gonna get out of this.”

When Nine didn’t respond, Lister made his way back to his bed and collapsed, muscles protesting. There was silence for a long time and Lister started drifting off.

He heard “ _You will not be easily broken._ ” before he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story keeps taking unplanned turns  
> next chapter should be the last

He had lost track of time. He had no idea how long he’d been in here. All he knew was pain.

And he held on to the hope that somehow-- _somehow_ \--he’d get out.

Xxxxx

It had taken four days for Holly and Jessica to locate the ship, and another four to travel there in the _Wildfire_. Lister had been gone for two weeks. According to the records, Kochanski had been gone for about the same. Rimmer hoped Lister had fared better.

Tensions were high in the small cockpit and the Cat had already tried to claw out Kryten’s eyeballs. It was worse than the forced quarantine Rimmer had put them in. At least, that’s what it felt like to him. Rimmer couldn’t actually remember what happened.

Just a little bit longer….

“Are we there yet?” the Cat asked for the millionth time.

Rimmer took a deep breather, counted to twenty, and let it out. “Cat.”

“What?”

“If you asked that question one more time, I will vent the oxygen. And purple does _not_ look good with that pink.”

The back of the cockpit got reeeaaal quiet and stayed blissfully so until Jessica interrupted with an update.

“The ship is now in close-range. I’m not picking up many life signs.”

Rimmer held up a hand before Kryten could start wailing and he heard a chocked off noise proving he’d predicted the mechanoid’s actions correctly. “Are the ones there centralized?”

“Yes.”

“Find us a place to dock, love.”

Xxxxx

His throat was raw, but screams where still being ripped from him. He tried to think of other things to block the pain. Fiji, _Dwarf_ , Kochanski, Rimmer. Anything. But the fire continued to burn.

Then he noticed his bonds were loose.

Lister tore himself off the table, launching at one of his attackers. He pinned it and pulled back his fist before landing a solid punch in its face. He continued to punch past the feeling of hot blood in his knuckles, past the sickening crunch of bones, past the pain shooting up his arm with every hit. HE didn’t stop until someone grabbed him and told him to snap out of it.

Xxxxx

“This place doesn’t smell right,” the Cat said quietly as they walked through the dark corridors.

“A little more specific, please,” Rimmer said, unconsciously slipping back into Ace mode. He paused at a corner, back against the wall and gun at the ready. The Cat answered as he peered around the corner.

“Eyes and ears are telling me this place is lit up and its got the right whirring noise. But nose is saying different. Nose says it’s dark and cold and stale.”

Rimmer frowned and looked back at the Cat and then at Kryten. “Well, Kryters? What’s your take?”

The mechanoid glanced around. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with Mister Cat’s nose, sir.”

“Me, too. Looks like breathers get a different view of the place. Now, Dave’s in here somewhere, so we’d better hop to it.” They started moving again, Rimmer following directions from Jessica and the Cat and Kryten following him. Though when they heard the scream, they started running. Since Rimmer had the benefit of long legs and being a hologram, he beat the other two by a long shot. He located Lister’s cell and threw himself into the glass, grateful his hard-light body was able to break it.

“Lister?” he asked, confused as his mind caught up with what he was seeing. Lister was pummeling the floor and Rimmer could see a dark patch on the floor. The dim light from the hallway wasn’t enough to illuminate the corner, but Rimmer had a sick feeling he knew precisely what the patch was. “Lister,” he tried again, louder, but the scouser didn’t’ respond. When Rimmer heard the crunch of shifting broken bones, he yelled his name and grabbed his arm, pulling him to him. “Lister, snap out of it!”

Rimmer had never seen the cheeky git quite so murderous before. Even when the polymorph had taken his fear, Lister hadn’t had _this_ particular brand of blood rage in his eyes. And to be honest, Rimmer was scared. He wanted nothing more than to high tail it because Lister might turn on him like a rabid dog.

Which he did.

Lister took Rimmer’s gun and fired. Thank whatever god was out there Rimmer had been able to react in time and only got hit in the shoulder. Normally, it wouldn’t have mattered, but he’d had to fight off more than his fair share of homicidal holograms so he’d upgraded his gun to hut holograms as well.

Never thought he’d get shot with it. Hurt like a bitch.

Rimmer gritted his teeth as the pain throbbed in time with the flickering of his projection around the entry wound. Lister moved to fire again, but Rimmer grabbed his gun and put his free hand close to the side of Lister’s neck. Electricity arced between them and Lister jerked back. He blinked, shook his head, and looked at the hologram.

“Rimmer?” he asked, voice a cracking whisper. He looked around, thoroughly confused. Then he looked back at Rimmer. “We have to get Nine. We’ve got—“

Lister was interrupted by a very loud yowl from the Cat. More of the angry how-dare-you-touch-my-shinies yowl than the hurt oh-god-there’s-a-crease-in-my-suit yowl. Rimmer backed out of the cell, jack boots crunching glass to see what happened. The feline was clawing at a floating glowing orb, teeth bared, and the orb tried dodging best it could. Then Kryten bazookoided another one and it exploded into sparks.

“Cat, wait,” he said in his Ace voice. The Cat snarled, but did as he was told and the orb floated back a few paces.

“ _Ace Rimmer…_ ” said the discordant voice. “ _Have you come to finish the job?_ ”

To his credit, Rimmer didn’t give any indication he had no idea what the thing was talking about. Though to be honest, he’d had lots of practice in that area. “I would have left you along, my old light bulb, but you took something that belongs to me.”

“ _The human._ ”

“Right,” Rimmer replied, taking a swaggering step towards the Collector. It probably would have looked better if his left shoulder wasn’t flicking in and out of existence. “He’s not much, but he’s all I’ve got left.”

The orb dropped a few inches. “ _I am the last, and there isn’t enough to sustain me. Please--_ ”

Rimmer fired, the shot going through the heart of the orb. “Gladly,” he muttered darkly. He want back into the cell and found Lister sitting on the floor against a wall, expression vacant. The hologram crouched in front of Lister, tilting his head so their eyes were level. “Lister? Dave, talk to me.”

“My hand hurts.”

“Because you broke it. Does anything else hurt?”

“My head.” Something flickered in his eyes and he focused on Rimmer’s damaged shoulder, sparks fizzing around the edges. “I shot you.”

“Yes, you did.” He’d have to reboot his programme when he got back to the _Widlfire_.

“I’m sorry.”

Rimmer just shrugged. He stood and took a few steps away and turned his head to see Kryten and the Cat standing just outside the cell. “I can’t touch him. I need you two to take him back to my ship. I’ll see if I can make some more room.” They nodded and Rimmer carefully moved past them so as not to shock them. After glancing in the empty cells around Lister’s, he quickly made it back to the _Wildfire_ and Jessica reset his bee.

“Jessica,” he said once he was back online. “What exactly did Kochanski suffer from?”

“Mental trauma. Some physical injuries but those were self inflicted. Scans also showed damage to her nervous system. She developed seizures. But the majority of it was mental. She no longer had a solid grasp on reality. She’d have night terrors and flashbacks. Question if she was still in the cell or not.”

Rimmer buried his face in his hands, already seeing the beginnings of the same thing in Lister. “What happened?”

“Ace quit. He decided Kochanski needed him more than the universe did. He loved her.”

Rimmer frowned. Kochanski? Wasn’t unheard of. He’d been to a few of the dimensions in which that was the case, but it always threw him. “But you don’t know if she got better?”

“There was some improvement before I left.” There was silence between them and Rimmer began to rearrange things in the rear compartment to make more space. “You’ll do the same for David, won’t you?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, or upset. Instead, it was concerned, hopeful.

“Yes,” he replied, shoving a box into a corner. “It’s my job to keep him sane. I’ve failed. The least I can do is provide him with something.” Whether it was something to ground Lister with or something to shoot, Rimmer didn’t know.

He was standing, hands on his hips, examining the open space when Kryten and the Cat brought in Lister. “Set him on the cot. Cat, Kryten, I’m going to need you to keep him—“

“We can’t leave Nine!” Lister growled, twisting out of their grasp and lunging towards the ship’s door, but Rimmer blocked him. “Dammit, Rimmer, let me go!”

“Lister, no one else was there.”

“It was probably hidin’! It can do that!”

“No one was there!”

But Lister continued to struggle so Rimmer did the only thing he could think of—he knocked him out. There was a heavy silence in the ship and Rimmer picked the unconscious scouser up and dropped him on the cot. “Keep an eye on him,” he ordered in a voice more Ace than Rimmer before he sat in the pilot’s seat and left the Collector’s ship.


End file.
